So, I laughed today.
I felt like it desecrated your memory, so I stopped. I hope you don’t mind. I know you wouldn’t have wanted things to end this way. No one listens to me anymore. Not without you making them.
I’m trying hard to remember the good times that we had. It was almost the same, until I turned to get your opinion on something. Then I cried. And I didn’t stop for a while. In fact, I think it was something like 3 hours. I cried so hard that I laughed. That’s when I laughed. I’m sorry.
Not that you notice, you’re thousands of miles away from me. Thousands may be exaggerating the distance, but…this is my story and not yours. So there. Ha…I finally win an argument. But there’s no joy in winning this time. Because you aren’t there to tell me that you “let me win”. We both knew it was never true, but I never wanted to hurt you.
Those guys you’re fighting, do they know about me? Sitting in my living room and writing to you? Well…not really writing to you, just writing to get something out of me. An itch I gotta scratch. I guess they don’t know about me. No one really knows about me huh? You never realize quite how small you are until things get put into perspective. Wow….
That’s a scary thought, you leaving permanently. Not that I think that’s a good thing. I already miss you too much. “It’s not healthy” my mother says while running her hands over my forehead. If only she knew how I unhealthy I am…then she’d really have something to worry about.
Well darling, this is that magical time when I start crying too hard to really see the keyboard. I’m sure that my spelling is getting worse by the word, but know that I love you and I always will.